When asked if one is a perfectionist I think most of us reply “not me.” There are almost as many reasons for “not me” as there are individuals.  Some may not want to admit to being a perfectionist because of a kind of stigma attached to it that doesn’t fair well in our somewhat casual society. Others may truly feel that such a category is a distant cry when describing them.

Ever since my sophomore year in college I have thought about the concept of what constitutes a perfectionist and I have come to the conclusion we all fall into the category to a greater or lesser degree. I am not sure why that is other than there must be an element in our brains that tells us if we master perfectly one area that is important to us we will be happy. But what about all the other areas of our life that intersect that interest, will they be perfect too? Of course the answer to that is ‘no’.

The reason why this subject has interested me for years is that I lived with a roommate in college who was great fun but who managed to be both a perfect slob and the consummate perfectionist at the same time. Let me explain. If she didn’t have time to do something perfect, it wasn’t done at all. Her sweaters had to be folded in 90 degree angles before being put away in drawers, her clothes hung according to color and style and her bed made with crisp hospital corners. Since time was of the essence this all was done on rare occasions leaving the room the majority of days in chaos.

 It was that college experience that brought me to the conclusion that a number of us are hidden perfectionists even to ourselves. Like all tendencies if not pointed out they can escape us and instead of a gift can become a yolk around our necks when not managed and particularly when it comes to home care. I realize that it may be easy to deflect our responsibilities in the home out of laziness blaming it on lack of time but I truly believe that for a segment of us it is because deep within we can’t let go of the idea of doing things perfectly or not at all. It’s like that striving for the outside three point shot or the home run with the bases loaded; anything less is a disappointment and not worth the effort.

One of the primary principles I have encouraged in approaching home management is the necessity to avoid perfectionism. If true progress on a daily basis is to be achieved it is important to have awareness that at times the “best” can be the enemy of the “good”. For example spending an inordinate amount of time sorting through mail or doing the laundry might bring great satisfaction but if the clutter in the living room isn’t picked up or meals are not prepared the overall satisfaction is easily replaced by frustration. The time management skills that most of us live in that other outside world may be the answer to controlling our inner perfection tendencies and to realize that the overall end result is not measured by one winning shot but rather by a lot of small and consistent efforts grounded in a practiced routine that is flexible.

 Recognizing the temptation to be a perfectionist around the home may be one answer to also recognizing its dangerous consequence of procrastination. The care of the home is cyclical and varied so by its nature it needs to be managed in such a way that the mental process is not stymied by daily perfection but rather encouraged through a flexible routine which necessarily will open a path to occasionally creating the perfectly organized kitchen cabinets or the color coded closet you have always envisioned.

Perfection like anything else only needs to be managed and what a great plus when it is!!!!

In recent years, or actually in the past thirty years, which is not all that recent, “housework” has taken on an unpleasant connotation—-kind of a “dirty” one!!  There are a number of reasons for this rather negative outlook three of which are time, tools and technique.  This post takes a closer look at the first of these three “T’s”:  Time. 

There never seems to be enough time, particularly with over 70% of women working part or full time outside of the home. I single out women because, let’s face it, we have been the engineers of managing the home since time began. We always have been pretty good at it too. I personally am proud of that fact. But the reality is that most of us aren’t home that much. This is one reality I doubt will go away and maybe depending on your view you may not want it to either, so what to do?   

If you are part of that 70%, start to transfer the time management skills you use so well in accomplishing all the outside work commitments to your home. There is an old saying that “time is a treasure” so be sure to treasure every minute by making it count and begin by jotting down all you need or want to do at home. Then time yourself as to how long it takes to do ordinary tasks like making a bed, emptying the dishwasher and cleaning the bathroom sink. On a daily basis each should not take more than 5 minutes. Everything really begins in the mind and once you have it fixed in your mind that these daily tasks don’t need to take that long it’s a motivator to push away that feeling of drudgery. Granted you might need to multiply the bedmaking by two or three, depending on the size of your family, but then if there are other family members at home, start sharing the care!

But what about the more time-consuming chores done on a weekly basis like caring for floors, laundry, and dusting? These are the jobs that can get you down and discouraged particularly when you only use weekends to accomplish them. Here we need to learn to pace ourselves by doing a little bit throughout the week otherwise our days off aren’t days off at all!  They simply add to that negative connotation that housework is “dirty”, encroaching on everything else we’d rather be doing on the weekend. 

Consider spreading out your housework so that it is less timeconsoming on any given day.  For example I don’t vacuum or dust on the same day. I break it up. The clothes can be rotating in the machine while you are busy making dinner. It is the folding and putting away that takes the time so break up doing whites and colors on different days. Set a schedule for all this stuff and see how efficient you suddenly become.

“Time” is the first of the three “T’s” that can impact our perceptions of houswork.  In future posts we’ll look at some tips for the other “T’s”:  Tools and Techniques for streamlining home management.  What are your favorite time-saving household tips?  Please share them by posting a comment here.

What are your expectations of your spouse or children at home? You might be a little puzzled by this question, so let me explain. We all have preconceived notions of how we want our family to contribute to caring for our homes. Most of us want a little help, but we have to honestly ask ourselves:

• Am I only satisfied when it is done exactly the way I want?
• Do I tend to send mixed messages by my negative reactions to their help?

Here is a familiar example: Loading the dishwasher.
You may have the perfect way to load and yet your spouse or child doesn’t follow your lead. So… you rearrange and reload! This sends a direct message to your family to find something else to do when it is time to load the dishwasher. It is true that things should be done well, but remember — doing things well doesn’t necessarily mean doing them perfectly all the time. What counts is that the dishes get clean. It is always more important to let others contribute than to have everything done just perfectly. It is good for them and it is good for you!

When children have responsibilities at home they will be better prepared for their future lives. Does allowing things like the “less than perfect loading” mean that we ignore poor household work? Not at all! We are all concerned when our child has a problem with a subject in school. We do everything we can to help her improve. We take things in stages so she begins to understand.

We can follow the same principle when teaching them household responsibilities. We can’t assume that our children are going to learn to make a bed, or dust or hang up clothes properly unless we are willing to teach and coach them until they catch on. Often we make the mistake of thinking that children learn by osmosis and we expect much more of them “from the get go.” It is true that some children will learn by observation but most do not. It takes time and patience that will pay off in the long run.

Remember it is great to read with children, to play with them, but it is also great to work with them. Young children love to do most things with their parents, so take advantage of that while you can and help them to learn skills that will last a lifetime! They may eventually exceed your own expectations!

When we think about work/life balance, one of the biggest challenges is simply having too many things to do and not enough time to do it all. Often the root of the problem lies in a schedule of activities that seems to keep us on the move every minute. And it’s not just your own schedule but also the overlapping activities of every member of your household.

An overbooked calendar is one of the greatest challenges to balance. Keep in mind that as a parent, your child’s activities take time for both you and your child. Too much of a good thing can have a negative effect even if it is something that your child enjoys. Too much candy, even if you enjoy it, can cause a stomachache. So too, over-activity can cause another kind of “ache” from the tension it can place on the whole family.

Before you, your spouse or your child takes on another commitment ask:

• How will this added commitment or activity impact our time together?
• What is the real, personal benefit to my child from participating in this activity?
• What transportation will be needed? (Be realistic! This is an important determining factor.)

Parents have the ultimate responsibility for deciding on the number and types of activities their children will participate in. Children may want to do everything but when a parent makes the decision it may relieve a burden of decision-making from the child. New studies show that children need “downtime” from organized activities. Sometimes the greatest favor a parent can do for a child is to limit outside commitments.

Sue Shellenbarger, a weekly columnist on work and family issues for the Wall Street Journal, comments on the value of just being with your child. She writes, “I was on a multitasking roll one day when I got a wakeup call. I’d done my workday on flextime, starting early to finish by the time my kids got out of school. I checked backpacks, did laundry, cleared voice mail, started dinner. I was picking up the phone to call the parents of my son’s hockey teammates as part of my job as team manager, when my son, 10, yelled from the living room: ‘Mom, you’re always running around. Can’t you just sit down with me for one minute?’

It was a moment of truth: I thought I was on top of my parenting duties, but I hadn’t even spent 10 seconds focusing on the object of it all: my kid.” Shellenbarger’s article goes on to quote Ellen Galinsky, author of Ask the Children, who comments, “the average parent says when they’re together with their kid, ‘OK, let’s go do something.’ The average kid will say, ‘We’re together. That’s good enough for me.’ They want some time that’s not always rushed, programmed, planned.”

So when you are in the process of deciding to schedule another after-school activity or planning for the weekend, it’s great to know that your child doesn’t have to be involved and “doing” everything. In fact, they may be counting on you to “just say no!”