Is it possible to keep a tidy home with three or more children under the age of five or is more sane and realistic to accept the fact that it will be a mess? 

Wouldn’t it be great if everything were black and white when it came to questions like this? I would love to be able to say:  ‘yes, you can keep a perfectly neat home with three or  four little ones running around and this is the magic formula’.  On the other hand wouldn’t it be nice to say ‘don’t worry about the house, put it on the back burner – it doesn’t matter; when  the children are grown you will have your dream home.’             

Unfortunately, life is not made up of simple magic formulas and we all know that easy ways out only exist in fairy tales and seldom end with the most desirable effect. The fact is that all of our homes are unique and that is what makes them our most cherished challenge to care for particularly when there are children. Children are a gift whether we may be blessed with one or ten. Yes, the reality is that there are families with ten children today, admittedly not many but they do exist. My son and his wife have eight and I must say that the number eight raises eyebrows from time to time. I can’t tell you how often I have heard “how does she do it or she must be a saint”.

It is true that it takes a special couple to manage a large family or a number of little ones born close together but it is amazing what we are capable of doing when we put our hearts and minds to it. Certainly my son’s home is not perfect but what is perfect anyway? What I do know is that I love to visit when we travel back north and that says a lot since we are empty nesters who have the luxury of having most everything in its place. It says that there is something quite beautiful in the midst of what some may call chaos when a sense of order lurks in the background.

 I guess what I am saying is that I think the secret to sanity in the midst of this type of chaos is not to grasp for perfection but rather to hold on tight to a sense of order and routine that can rescue you at the end of the day. My daughter- in-law may not be a canonized saint yet but a sense of order and routine she has mastered quite well along with a sense of humor. She knows to have let the house be totally up for grabs would have sent the wrong message to the children and would have perpetuated a ‘who cares’ attitude. Both she and my son have led the way to peace by striving to keep up with the clutter and working together as a team. They also knew that too many toys and things would only have added to the challenge and confusion of everyday life. My son actually would rotate the toys putting some away and bringing others out about three times a year. When the children were young this was a magical experience that kept everyone happy including mom and dad.

 I chose to share my brief thoughts because I can’t accept the idea of totally giving up on striving for a bit of beauty even in the midst of chaos. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but I don’t think it is. As I said life is not black and white and for me it would have gone against my better judgment to be willing to accept the idea of putting an environment that we hold near and dear on the back burner until the children are raised. It would have also meant a kind of pitting one choice against another – having children vs. the perfect house. The reality is we are meant to have them both and I believe the magic formula, if there is one, is to be found in a mixture of love, order, routine, cooperation and laughter. It may not be defined as magical and the end result may not be what some call perfection but who cares as long as it works and it usually does.

 Good luck and enjoy those beautiful children in your beautiful home!

When we think about work/life balance, one of the biggest challenges is simply having too many things to do and not enough time to do it all. Often the root of the problem lies in a schedule of activities that seems to keep us on the move every minute. And it’s not just your own schedule but also the overlapping activities of every member of your household.

An overbooked calendar is one of the greatest challenges to balance. Keep in mind that as a parent, your child’s activities take time for both you and your child. Too much of a good thing can have a negative effect even if it is something that your child enjoys. Too much candy, even if you enjoy it, can cause a stomachache. So too, over-activity can cause another kind of “ache” from the tension it can place on the whole family.

Before you, your spouse or your child takes on another commitment ask:

• How will this added commitment or activity impact our time together?
• What is the real, personal benefit to my child from participating in this activity?
• What transportation will be needed? (Be realistic! This is an important determining factor.)

Parents have the ultimate responsibility for deciding on the number and types of activities their children will participate in. Children may want to do everything but when a parent makes the decision it may relieve a burden of decision-making from the child. New studies show that children need “downtime” from organized activities. Sometimes the greatest favor a parent can do for a child is to limit outside commitments.

Sue Shellenbarger, a weekly columnist on work and family issues for the Wall Street Journal, comments on the value of just being with your child. She writes, “I was on a multitasking roll one day when I got a wakeup call. I’d done my workday on flextime, starting early to finish by the time my kids got out of school. I checked backpacks, did laundry, cleared voice mail, started dinner. I was picking up the phone to call the parents of my son’s hockey teammates as part of my job as team manager, when my son, 10, yelled from the living room: ‘Mom, you’re always running around. Can’t you just sit down with me for one minute?’

It was a moment of truth: I thought I was on top of my parenting duties, but I hadn’t even spent 10 seconds focusing on the object of it all: my kid.” Shellenbarger’s article goes on to quote Ellen Galinsky, author of Ask the Children, who comments, “the average parent says when they’re together with their kid, ‘OK, let’s go do something.’ The average kid will say, ‘We’re together. That’s good enough for me.’ They want some time that’s not always rushed, programmed, planned.”

So when you are in the process of deciding to schedule another after-school activity or planning for the weekend, it’s great to know that your child doesn’t have to be involved and “doing” everything. In fact, they may be counting on you to “just say no!”

Is everyday meal planning becoming more of a chore? It’s not quite as easy to put some burgers or chicken on the grill and there seems to be even less time for preparing a meal between car pools and meetings. So here are a few tips to streamline your meal planning efforts to last you throughout the long winter.

Planning
Next Sunday take some time out with the whole family and decide on your top 10 favorite menus. In fact, most people do not eat more than 10 basic meals on a regular basis, so plan your menus around what your family enjoys most. These basic meals are also likely to be some of the simplest meals you prepare.

Make it fun. Hand out a sheet of paper where everyone can write their 10 favorite meals – including the entrée, starch, and vegetable. Older children can help younger ones fill in their choices. Be flexible: there will be some nights where pizza will share the table with potato chips but the meal can still be nutritionally balanced with a green salad.

As everyone chooses their favorite foods, this can be a great time for them to choose their favorite jobs as well: setting the table, clearing the table, doing the dishes, making lunches for the next day, etc. At your family meeting have a list of each person’s weekly activities – this will help everyone know who is available to do what and when – and it will save arguments and frustration later.

Preparation
Try preparing a few basic meals on the weekend to freeze for the busy week ahead. Meatloaf, stew, homemade soups, and casseroles are good freezing options for quick preparation.

Involve your children in meal preparation during the week. It may take you a little bit longer to get the food on the table, but it gives you a great chance to spend time with your child – a natural time to open up and share what is in his mind and heart in addition to the practical benefits of teaching nutritional and cooking basics.

Set a regular dinnertime at least four days a week. Making this a family ritual also serves to simplify mealtime by eliminating many meal “shifts” in the kitchen. It may take a few weeks to create the pattern but with some effort it can work. Eventually everyone in your family will look forward to dinner as a wonderful time to slow down and share their day with one another.