Recently I read a brief history on the House of Loreto.  According to tradition it was the home of the Holy Family and in the early centuries was miraculously transported to the town of Loreto in Italy.  The article contained three beautiful quotes that I believe send special messages to all homes not only during this blessed season but for each season throughout the year.

St. Josemaria reminds us of the valuable role of the ordinary homemaker with these encouraging words.  “We can’t foget that Mary spent nearly everyday of her life just like millions of other women who look after their families, bringing up their children and taking care of the house.  Mary sanctifies the ordinary, everyday things-what some people wrongly regard as unimportant and insignificant:  everyday work, looking after those closest, visits to friends and relatives.  What a blessed ordinariness!”  J. Escriva, Christ is Passing By, 148.

Pope Leo XIII echoes similar sentiments when he reminds us of the beautiful example of the value of ‘sharing the care’.  “What a wonderful model of dailing living the HOly Family offers us!  These three provide us with the perfect example of a Christian home.  Each person lives with a tremendous simplicity in carrying out daily responsibilities while pursuing common goals with genuine mutual affection.  There is not time for disorder or selfish pursuits.  Each one carries out his or her particular responsibilities with such human and supernatural affection that others are edified to hbehold it.”  Leo XIII, encyclical Laetitiae Sanctae, 3.

And finally a prayer by our dear Blessed John Paul II offered for us at the Sanctuary of Loreto:  “Accept, O Blessed Mother of the House of Loreto, my pilgrimage and that of all of us, as a common prayer for the family life of all the men and women of our age, we pray for the well being of these homes, that they may prepare the sons and daughters of all to enter into the heavenly dwelling of our common Father in Heaven.”

We wish each and everyone a very blessed Christmas and a holy and prosperous New Year!!!

Most of us today leave that space to the kids. We say: “if they want to live in a mess, so be it; there are more important battles to be concerned about”. That may be true, but how would we feel if their classrooms at school were a mess?  We all learn and develop better when surrounded by order. Order clears the mind to take in what needs to be absorbed. Have you ever heard your children complain that they can’t concentrate when doing their homework or on the other hand, they seem to get it done quicker than is humanly possible?  

Too many things are a distraction to most of us particularly when we are trying to accomplish something. They cause our minds to wander. May I suggest that in your preparation for the school year, you might include the missing link for their success which is helping your children to stay on top of the clutter in their rooms? It just may be the one additional ingredient for them to be able to master achieving that challenging “A”.

There will always be a long running debate about the value of a weekly or monthly cleaning day for the family vs. the alternate idea of daily chores

What is good for one situation may not be for another. Below are eight suggestions to consider as you decide the pros and cons.

For a day of cleaning make sure your time frame is practical by considering everyone’s activities?

Try to make it as pleasant as possible by planning a fun lunch and music that all will enjoy.

Have the day well laid out according to job capability.

Remember to compliment their efforts while you are instructing and helping.

Keep in mind that all day cleaning whether weekly or monthly may bring resistance and establish a negative attitude.

The alternate idea of daily chores rotated among the children is a practical answer to a cleaning day.

It is always a worth while idea to post what needs to be done and by whom.

Be assured that a good job is usually its own reward but a sincere ‘thank you’ also goes a long way.

We all learn best by doing so whether it is through daily chores or weekly and monthly cleaning schedules including the children is one of the greatest gifts we can give them to prepare for their future homes.

Most of us when selecting furniture and floor coverings seldom think about the effect that color has on cleaning time.The following are some hints that you may want to consider as you shop for the next addition to your home.

-      Dark wood furniture reveals the dust easier than light or blond furniture.

-      Glass tops show dust, film and fingerprints and usually take longer to clean and maintain than wood furniture.

-      Dark wood floors reveal the dust but hide the dirt. The same principle applies to carpet.

-      Blond floors hide the dust but reveal the dirt and the same is true for carpet.

-      Light upholstery reveals soil but can hide the dust longer than a dark solid fabric.

-      A dark print fabric is a practical choice for upholstered furniture that is family friendly.

Would love to hear your practical thoughts on the decorating that has saved you cleaning energy.

If you are like most parents it is easier to pick up and do it yourself rather than listen to the complaints or look at the long faces of the kids when you ask them to put things away in the family room or empty the dishwasher.

Certainly we grow in the virtue of perseverance ourselves when we continue to elicit their help but more important is the consideration of their growth. Summer is not a time to put a halt to their education but actually an ideal time to add to it in practical ways that will prepare them for life and for their own future homes.

Pitching in and sharing the care is all part of a valuable education that is best nourished under the guidance and warmth of parents. Being part of a team that contributes to the comfort of home brings with it the growth of numerous human virtues not the least of which are industriousness, patience, understanding, and the engine of them all – love. 

Parents have always been and will always be the primary educators in things that are of lasting importance. Hang in there, it is all worthwhile!!!

Would love to hear your suggestions and secrets for motivating your children to pitch in and share the care.

Wouldn’t it be great if everything were black and white when it came to questions like this? I would love to be able to say:  ‘yes, you can keep a perfectly neat home with three or  four little ones running around and this is the magic formula’.  On the other hand wouldn’t it be nice to say ‘don’t worry about the house, put it on the back burner – it doesn’t matter; when  the children are grown you will have your dream home.’             

Unfortunately, life is not made up of simple magic formulas and we all know that easy ways out only exist in fairy tales and seldom end with the most desirable effect. The fact is that all of our homes are unique and that is what makes them our most cherished challenge to care for particularly when there are children. Children are a gift whether we may be blessed with one or ten. Yes, the reality is that there are families with ten children today, admittedly not many but they do exist. My son and his wife have eight and I must say that the number eight raises eyebrows from time to time. I can’t tell you how often I have heard “how does she do it or she must be a saint”.

It is true that it takes a special couple to manage a large family or a number of little ones born close together but it is amazing what we are capable of doing when we put our hearts and minds to it. Certainly my son’s home is not perfect but what is perfect anyway? What I do know is that I love to visit when we travel back north and that says a lot since we are empty nesters who have the luxury of having most everything in its place. It says that there is something quite beautiful in the midst of what some may call chaos when a sense of order lurks in the background.

 I guess what I am saying is that I think the secret to sanity in the midst of this type of chaos is not to grasp for perfection but rather to hold on tight to a sense of order and routine that can rescue you at the end of the day. My daughter- in-law may not be a canonized saint yet but a sense of order and routine she has mastered quite well along with a sense of humor. She knows to have let the house be totally up for grabs would have sent the wrong message to the children and would have perpetuated a ‘who cares’ attitude. Both she and my son have led the way to peace by striving to keep up with the clutter and working together as a team. They also knew that too many toys and things would only have added to the challenge and confusion of everyday life. My son actually would rotate the toys putting some away and bringing others out about three times a year. When the children were young this was a magical experience that kept everyone happy including mom and dad.

 I chose to share my brief thoughts because I can’t accept the idea of totally giving up on striving for a bit of beauty even in the midst of chaos. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but I don’t think it is. As I said life is not black and white and for me it would have gone against my better judgment to be willing to accept the idea of putting an environment that we hold near and dear on the back burner until the children are raised. It would have also meant a kind of pitting one choice against another – having children vs. the perfect house. The reality is we are meant to have them both and I believe the magic formula, if there is one, is to be found in a mixture of love, order, routine, cooperation and laughter. It may not be defined as magical and the end result may not be what some call perfection but who cares as long as it works and it usually does.

 Good luck and enjoy those beautiful children in your beautiful home!

Ever since my sophomore year in college I have thought about the concept of what constitutes a perfectionist and I have come to the conclusion we all fall into the category to a greater or lesser degree. I am not sure why that is other than there must be an element in our brains that tells us if we master perfectly one area that is important to us we will be happy. But what about all the other areas of our life that intersect that interest, will they be perfect too? Of course the answer to that is ‘no’.

The reason why this subject has interested me for years is that I lived with a roommate in college who was great fun but who managed to be both a perfect slob and the consummate perfectionist at the same time. Let me explain. If she didn’t have time to do something perfect, it wasn’t done at all. Her sweaters had to be folded in 90 degree angles before being put away in drawers, her clothes hung according to color and style and her bed made with crisp hospital corners. Since time was of the essence this all was done on rare occasions leaving the room the majority of days in chaos.

 It was that college experience that brought me to the conclusion that a number of us are hidden perfectionists even to ourselves. Like all tendencies if not pointed out they can escape us and instead of a gift can become a yolk around our necks when not managed and particularly when it comes to home care. I realize that it may be easy to deflect our responsibilities in the home out of laziness blaming it on lack of time but I truly believe that for a segment of us it is because deep within we can’t let go of the idea of doing things perfectly or not at all. It’s like that striving for the outside three point shot or the home run with the bases loaded; anything less is a disappointment and not worth the effort.

One of the primary principles I have encouraged in approaching home management is the necessity to avoid perfectionism. If true progress on a daily basis is to be achieved it is important to have awareness that at times the “best” can be the enemy of the “good”. For example spending an inordinate amount of time sorting through mail or doing the laundry might bring great satisfaction but if the clutter in the living room isn’t picked up or meals are not prepared the overall satisfaction is easily replaced by frustration. The time management skills that most of us live in that other outside world may be the answer to controlling our inner perfection tendencies and to realize that the overall end result is not measured by one winning shot but rather by a lot of small and consistent efforts grounded in a practiced routine that is flexible.

 Recognizing the temptation to be a perfectionist around the home may be one answer to also recognizing its dangerous consequence of procrastination. The care of the home is cyclical and varied so by its nature it needs to be managed in such a way that the mental process is not stymied by daily perfection but rather encouraged through a flexible routine which necessarily will open a path to occasionally creating the perfectly organized kitchen cabinets or the color coded closet you have always envisioned.

Perfection like anything else only needs to be managed and what a great plus when it is!!!!

As I was pondering who these women were, that I had yet to meet, I began to focus on the topic of The Art of Making a House a Home. I was told that this topic had been suggested by the ladies and that they had expressed true concern about their abilities to create a genuine home environment. Needless to say the topic was loaded with hundreds of possibilities but given only a forty minute time frame I decided to highlight the word Art thus elevating what most of us consider ordinary to something extraordinary.

Extraordinary is what I consider the care of the home to be when it is coupled with love and a professional touch that moves it into an art form. I know most might consider this to be a bit of a stretch but when we consider what is needed to produce a great painting or a musical score, much of the same ingredients are necessary. It is true that to produce what is considered exceptional art one needs to be given the gift of talent but putting that aside we find the common ingredients of love, perseverance, order, and fortitude to be the foundations for unleashing the talent.

Since this was a talk directed to women I reminded them that by their very femininity they each have a special nurturing gift that makes it possible to turn a house into a home.

It is true some may have a special knack for interior design but that doesn’t make a house a home. Putting our heart into what we do and striving to do it as well as we can, considering our individual circumstances, are the ingredients to create that special atmosphere. The late John Paul II once said: Every home worthy of the name is above all a sanctuary created by a mother. She is the one to set it up in accordance with her particular personality.

We seldom think about all we do in our homes as various forms of art that our children will cherish and eventually pass on to their families. In the moment we easily laugh at their insignificance but they actually are part of a lasting and unique image that make a house into a home. My grandmother, my aunt and my mother produced the greatest hot fudge sauce for sundaes. It was their special recipe that I grew up making under mom’s supervision. For years it was a running joke in my own family that I needed to bottle it, label it and get it out there. Instead I have passed it on to daughter, granddaughters and nieces. Every visit back north I know I will be in one of our family kitchens boiling up a batch that they all claim is the best. I know years from now our granddaughters will be doing the same thing for their families and it will be the best.

The hundred and one things we do daily in the home may not be recognized as special but when wrapped up with loving warmth they take on an art form that becomes uniquely yours. We all enjoy going out to dinner and being served by someone who cares. The one who cares puts herself into what she is doing and as a result elevates the experience. There usually is a quality of professionalism that shines through which puts us at ease, making us more comfortable. Our favorite restaurants are more than the cuisine. As important as that is, without a professional atmosphere filled with an accent of genuine service, the restaurant would not be elevated to the level of “favorite” any more than four walls of a house could be elevated to the endearing term of “home”.

We know that this is the season for giving but sometimes, if we are not careful, we can begin to think that we are the only ones concerned about giving. We have our lists of the many things to be done and just looking at them, on occasion, can bring panic and a “poor me” attitude. The gifts to be bought, the house to be decorated, the cookies and treats to be baked, the cards to be addressed and mailed as well as the ongoing everyday responsibilities can be overwhelming.

In my conversations with homemakers over the years there has been a recurring theme of concern about all those responsibilities falling to them.  We all know in our hearts that this shouldn’t be the case because, after all, we are social beings who are not meant to carry the load alone; but somehow regarding the upkeep of the home we haven’t quite gotten the message.

I was thinking about this as I found myself in the midst of those “to do” lists, realizing that we have a perfect opportunity to give even more by allowing the others to give too. Little things are what make a difference and yet we have a tendency to hold on to those little things because they give us a bit more sense of control. When we allow ourselves to peel off the covering of all the things we do, we soon realize that we hold on to them because we think we can do them better in less time and we like the end results we achieve.

Just think for a moment about all the little things we could learn to share during this “giving season”. How many times have you replied “that’s alright I can handle it”? How many times have you re-arranged the dishwasher because it wasn’t loaded to your satisfaction or raced to throw the garbage out when your teenage son or spouse was just feet away? Pulling out the decorations, planning the menus and even addressing the cards not to mention baking the cookies can be a family affair. So often the others are only waiting to be asked. We may be so used to going it alone that we forget to allow the others to be part of the everyday giving. It is true that the packages may not be wrapped to your ideal or the Christmas table set as perfectly as you would like. The napkins and forks may be on the right side instead of the left with the plates too close together but that little sweetheart of yours will be humming a holiday tune as she does her best.

During this season we naturally think about the material gifts we want to give to those we love but it is also a time to think about the gifts that are meant to last. That idea of giving others the opportunity to be generous can overflow to a new year’s resolution. It is true that they may not be as anxious to help once the glow of the season is over. On the other hand by allowing them to experience a taste of the happy feeling of giving, you may create the catalyst needed to encourage both you and them to share the care of the home.

For some of us it is hard to let go when we want things to be perfect but in reality perfection can never truly be achieved; what can be obtained is a sense of what is important. In sharing the load with the family we realize what a blessing each one is and we also realize we are preparing them for their own homes and families some day. As we look back on our lives, we smile when we think of those intangible gifts we have carried with us through the years and realize many of those gifts were gleaned from the little things we learned growing up. Sharing the care during these days may be an initial sacrifice for those of us who like to go it alone but after all, what is a gift meant to be but a bit of a sacrifice? I don’t know if there is a saying that proclaims ‘with every sacrifice comes a hidden reward’ but if there isn’t such a saying, there should be. In this instance it could be a hidden gift to ourselves that will keep giving when we step back to welcome it.

Happy Holidays!

With all the things that go on in the home and all the effort that is exerted to keep it up one can easily wonder ‘does it really matter’? The holiday seasons that come and go, as well as the endless celebrations throughout the year that we magically engineer into reality, at times cause us to ask, ‘who really cares’? My answer is, they all do. It is rare to hear a little four year old express his opinion about the state of an environment but it also alerts us to the fact that what we are doing does matter. During these hectic times when so many of us are squeezed to get it all done it is reassuring to know that they do notice and that our efforts will find a special place in their hearts.

The way we wrap packages or light small votive candles that brighten a table during the holidays will spark a memory to be passed on to future generations. I recall a birthday plate we had in our home as a child. Each and every home baked cake was brought out on that beautiful china platter that, if broken, I know would have more than saddened my mother. Yet she didn’t keep it in the china cupboard but shared it with all of us. After her death, it was my younger brother who quickly claimed the plate for his own. It is now part of his family tradition that on special occasions the goodies are presented bearing memories of his childhood.

The efforts we put into our family traditions and celebrations need not be expensive or time intensive but rather done with a love that will radiate the joy you want to give to the others. My husband fondly remembers the quarter wrapped in wax paper and hidden in the birthday or Christmas cake. His mother sliced each piece knowing where the surprise would be and on particularly special occasions more than one quarter would appear, keeping  them all guessing.

The shopping and care it takes to make our children look and feel special during these times of celebration, on the surface may not seem that important to them and yet years later as they recall that Christmas Mass or that birthday party, the mental vision of what they wore and how it made them feel will rush back. All of the family gatherings that we look forward to are more than a moment in time but rather a reflection of who we are as human beings and the dignity of each one. They help to shape us and give us an inner security about the importance of our lives. Home is the first place that we are meant to realize that importance and thus even in the midst of all the time constraints and responsibilities during our busy schedules to know that it really matters even to the very young can’t help but put a smile on our faces and a joy in our hearts with an assurance that it is all worthwhile.