Today there is an ongoing debate in some school districts about the value of homework. In reality the question has been out there for a long time. To date, most school districts still see the importance of homework. It not only prepares the students for the next day but keeps their minds focused on the lessons learned. In other words their studies continue. Those studies more often than not take place in their space, their bedrooms.

Most of us today leave that space to the kids. We say: “if they want to live in a mess, so be it; there are more important battles to be concerned about”. That may be true, but how would we feel if their classrooms at school were a mess?  We all learn and develop better when surrounded by order. Order clears the mind to take in what needs to be absorbed. Have you ever heard your children complain that they can’t concentrate when doing their homework or on the other hand, they seem to get it done quicker than is humanly possible?  

Too many things are a distraction to most of us particularly when we are trying to accomplish something. They cause our minds to wander. May I suggest that in your preparation for the school year, you might include the missing link for their success which is helping your children to stay on top of the clutter in their rooms? It just may be the one additional ingredient for them to be able to master achieving that challenging “A”.

Is it possible to keep a tidy home with three or more children under the age of five or is more sane and realistic to accept the fact that it will be a mess? 

Wouldn’t it be great if everything were black and white when it came to questions like this? I would love to be able to say:  ‘yes, you can keep a perfectly neat home with three or  four little ones running around and this is the magic formula’.  On the other hand wouldn’t it be nice to say ‘don’t worry about the house, put it on the back burner – it doesn’t matter; when  the children are grown you will have your dream home.’             

Unfortunately, life is not made up of simple magic formulas and we all know that easy ways out only exist in fairy tales and seldom end with the most desirable effect. The fact is that all of our homes are unique and that is what makes them our most cherished challenge to care for particularly when there are children. Children are a gift whether we may be blessed with one or ten. Yes, the reality is that there are families with ten children today, admittedly not many but they do exist. My son and his wife have eight and I must say that the number eight raises eyebrows from time to time. I can’t tell you how often I have heard “how does she do it or she must be a saint”.

It is true that it takes a special couple to manage a large family or a number of little ones born close together but it is amazing what we are capable of doing when we put our hearts and minds to it. Certainly my son’s home is not perfect but what is perfect anyway? What I do know is that I love to visit when we travel back north and that says a lot since we are empty nesters who have the luxury of having most everything in its place. It says that there is something quite beautiful in the midst of what some may call chaos when a sense of order lurks in the background.

 I guess what I am saying is that I think the secret to sanity in the midst of this type of chaos is not to grasp for perfection but rather to hold on tight to a sense of order and routine that can rescue you at the end of the day. My daughter- in-law may not be a canonized saint yet but a sense of order and routine she has mastered quite well along with a sense of humor. She knows to have let the house be totally up for grabs would have sent the wrong message to the children and would have perpetuated a ‘who cares’ attitude. Both she and my son have led the way to peace by striving to keep up with the clutter and working together as a team. They also knew that too many toys and things would only have added to the challenge and confusion of everyday life. My son actually would rotate the toys putting some away and bringing others out about three times a year. When the children were young this was a magical experience that kept everyone happy including mom and dad.

 I chose to share my brief thoughts because I can’t accept the idea of totally giving up on striving for a bit of beauty even in the midst of chaos. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but I don’t think it is. As I said life is not black and white and for me it would have gone against my better judgment to be willing to accept the idea of putting an environment that we hold near and dear on the back burner until the children are raised. It would have also meant a kind of pitting one choice against another – having children vs. the perfect house. The reality is we are meant to have them both and I believe the magic formula, if there is one, is to be found in a mixture of love, order, routine, cooperation and laughter. It may not be defined as magical and the end result may not be what some call perfection but who cares as long as it works and it usually does.

 Good luck and enjoy those beautiful children in your beautiful home!

When asked if one is a perfectionist I think most of us reply “not me.” There are almost as many reasons for “not me” as there are individuals.  Some may not want to admit to being a perfectionist because of a kind of stigma attached to it that doesn’t fair well in our somewhat casual society. Others may truly feel that such a category is a distant cry when describing them.

Ever since my sophomore year in college I have thought about the concept of what constitutes a perfectionist and I have come to the conclusion we all fall into the category to a greater or lesser degree. I am not sure why that is other than there must be an element in our brains that tells us if we master perfectly one area that is important to us we will be happy. But what about all the other areas of our life that intersect that interest, will they be perfect too? Of course the answer to that is ‘no’.

The reason why this subject has interested me for years is that I lived with a roommate in college who was great fun but who managed to be both a perfect slob and the consummate perfectionist at the same time. Let me explain. If she didn’t have time to do something perfect, it wasn’t done at all. Her sweaters had to be folded in 90 degree angles before being put away in drawers, her clothes hung according to color and style and her bed made with crisp hospital corners. Since time was of the essence this all was done on rare occasions leaving the room the majority of days in chaos.

 It was that college experience that brought me to the conclusion that a number of us are hidden perfectionists even to ourselves. Like all tendencies if not pointed out they can escape us and instead of a gift can become a yolk around our necks when not managed and particularly when it comes to home care. I realize that it may be easy to deflect our responsibilities in the home out of laziness blaming it on lack of time but I truly believe that for a segment of us it is because deep within we can’t let go of the idea of doing things perfectly or not at all. It’s like that striving for the outside three point shot or the home run with the bases loaded; anything less is a disappointment and not worth the effort.

One of the primary principles I have encouraged in approaching home management is the necessity to avoid perfectionism. If true progress on a daily basis is to be achieved it is important to have awareness that at times the “best” can be the enemy of the “good”. For example spending an inordinate amount of time sorting through mail or doing the laundry might bring great satisfaction but if the clutter in the living room isn’t picked up or meals are not prepared the overall satisfaction is easily replaced by frustration. The time management skills that most of us live in that other outside world may be the answer to controlling our inner perfection tendencies and to realize that the overall end result is not measured by one winning shot but rather by a lot of small and consistent efforts grounded in a practiced routine that is flexible.

 Recognizing the temptation to be a perfectionist around the home may be one answer to also recognizing its dangerous consequence of procrastination. The care of the home is cyclical and varied so by its nature it needs to be managed in such a way that the mental process is not stymied by daily perfection but rather encouraged through a flexible routine which necessarily will open a path to occasionally creating the perfectly organized kitchen cabinets or the color coded closet you have always envisioned.

Perfection like anything else only needs to be managed and what a great plus when it is!!!!

Recently I was asked to address a group of relatively young homemakers. I say relatively young because anyone who has been around only thirty plus years is considered young to yours truly. Many in this age group are just beginning to experience the various shades and tones of life that will shape who they are. They may consider themselves in the throws of a somewhat ordinary lives but from my vantage point they have exciting and meaningful years ahead that will be influenced by their beautiful hidden lives of a wives, mothers and homemakers.

As I was pondering who these women were, that I had yet to meet, I began to focus on the topic of The Art of Making a House a Home. I was told that this topic had been suggested by the ladies and that they had expressed true concern about their abilities to create a genuine home environment. Needless to say the topic was loaded with hundreds of possibilities but given only a forty minute time frame I decided to highlight the word Art thus elevating what most of us consider ordinary to something extraordinary.

Extraordinary is what I consider the care of the home to be when it is coupled with love and a professional touch that moves it into an art form. I know most might consider this to be a bit of a stretch but when we consider what is needed to produce a great painting or a musical score, much of the same ingredients are necessary. It is true that to produce what is considered exceptional art one needs to be given the gift of talent but putting that aside we find the common ingredients of love, perseverance, order, and fortitude to be the foundations for unleashing the talent.

Since this was a talk directed to women I reminded them that by their very femininity they each have a special nurturing gift that makes it possible to turn a house into a home.

It is true some may have a special knack for interior design but that doesn’t make a house a home. Putting our heart into what we do and striving to do it as well as we can, considering our individual circumstances, are the ingredients to create that special atmosphere. The late John Paul II once said: Every home worthy of the name is above all a sanctuary created by a mother. She is the one to set it up in accordance with her particular personality.

We seldom think about all we do in our homes as various forms of art that our children will cherish and eventually pass on to their families. In the moment we easily laugh at their insignificance but they actually are part of a lasting and unique image that make a house into a home. My grandmother, my aunt and my mother produced the greatest hot fudge sauce for sundaes. It was their special recipe that I grew up making under mom’s supervision. For years it was a running joke in my own family that I needed to bottle it, label it and get it out there. Instead I have passed it on to daughter, granddaughters and nieces. Every visit back north I know I will be in one of our family kitchens boiling up a batch that they all claim is the best. I know years from now our granddaughters will be doing the same thing for their families and it will be the best.

The hundred and one things we do daily in the home may not be recognized as special but when wrapped up with loving warmth they take on an art form that becomes uniquely yours. We all enjoy going out to dinner and being served by someone who cares. The one who cares puts herself into what she is doing and as a result elevates the experience. There usually is a quality of professionalism that shines through which puts us at ease, making us more comfortable. Our favorite restaurants are more than the cuisine. As important as that is, without a professional atmosphere filled with an accent of genuine service, the restaurant would not be elevated to the level of “favorite” any more than four walls of a house could be elevated to the endearing term of “home”.